Guidelines for Education within
the Family
The Pontifical Council for the Family
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Rome November 21, 1995
Contents
Introduction
Chapter I: Called to True Love
Chapter II: True Love and Chastity
Chapter III: In the Light of Vocation
Chapter IV: Father and Mother as Educators
Chapter V: Paths of Formation within the Family
Chapter VI: Learning Stages
Chapter VII: Practical Guidelines
Chapter VIII: Conclusion
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Introduction
The Situation and the Problem
1. Among the many difficulties parents
encounter today, despite different social contexts,
one certainly stands out: giving children an
adequate preparation for adult life, particularly
with regard to education in the true meaning
of sexuality. There are many reasons for this
difficulty and not all of them are new.
In the past, even when the family did not provide
specific sexual education, the general culture
was permeated by respect for fundamental values
and hence served to protect and maintain them.
In the greater part of society, both in developed
and developing countries, the decline of traditional
models has left children deprived of consistent
and positive guidance, while parents find themselves
unprepared to provide adequate answers. This
new context is made worse by what we observe:
an eclipse of the truth about man which, among
other things, exerts pressure to reduce sex
to something commonplace. In this area, society
and the mass media most of the time provide
depersonalized, recreational and often pessimistic
information. Moreover, this information does
not take into account the different stages of
formation and development of children and young
people, and it is influenced by a distorted
individualistic concept of freedom, in an ambience
lacking the basic values of life, human love
and the family.
Then the school, making itself available to
carry out programmes of sex education, has often
done this by taking the place of the family
and, most of the time, with the aim of only
providing information. Sometimes this really
leads to the deformation of consciences. In
many cases parents have given up their duty
in this field or agreed to delegate it to others,
because of the difficulty and their own lack
of preparation.
In such a situation, many Catholic parents
turn to the Church to take up the task of providing
guidance and suggestions for educating their
children, especially in the phase of childhood
and adolescence. At times, parents themselves
have brought up their difficulties when they
are confronted by teaching given at school and
thus brought into the home by their children.
The Pontifical Council for the Family has received
repeated and pressing requests to provide guidelines
in support of parents in this delicate area
of education.
2. Aware of this family dimension of
education for love and for living one's own
sexuality properly and conscious of the unique
"experience of humanity" of the community
of believers, our Council wishes to put forward
pastoral guidelines, drawing on the wisdom which
comes from the Word of the Lord and the values
which illuminate the teaching of the Church.
Therefore, above all, we wish to tie this help
for parents to fundamental content about the
truth and meaning of sex, within the framework
of a genuine and rich anthropology. In offering
this truth, we are aware that "every one
who is of the truth" (John 18: 37) hears
the word of the One who is the Truth in Person
(cf. John 14: 6).
This guide is meant to be neither a treatise
of moral theology nor a compendium of psychology.
But it does owe much to the gains of science,
to the socio-cultural conditions of the family,
and to the proclamation of gospel values which
are always new and can be incarnated in a concrete
way in every age.
3. In this field, the Church is strengthened
by some unquestionable certainties that have
also guided the preparation of this document.
Love is a gift of God, nourished by and expressed
in the encounter of man and woman. Love is thus
a positive force directed towards their growth
towards maturity as persons. In the plan of
life which represents each person's vocation,
love is also a precious source for the self-giving
which all men and women are called to make for
their own self-realization and happiness. In
fact, man is called to love as an incarnate
spirit, that is soul and body in the unity of
the person. Human love hence embraces the body,
and the body also expresses spiritual love.
Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris
Consortio, November 22, 1981, 21; AAS 74 (1982),
p. 105. Therefore, sexuality is not something
purely biological, rather it concerns the intimate
nucleus of the person. The use of sexuality
as physical giving has its own truth and reaches
its full meaning when it expresses the personal
giving of man and woman even unto death. As
with the whole of the person's life, love is
exposed to the frailty brought about by original
sin, a frailty experienced today in many socio-cultural
contexts marked by strong negative influences,
at times deviant and traumatic. Nevertheless,
the Lord's Redemption has made the positive
practice of chastity into something that is
really possible and a motive for joy, both for
those who have the vocation to marriage (before,
in the time of preparation, and afterwards,
in the course of married life) as well as for
those who have the gift of a special calling
to the consecrated life.
4. In the light of the Redemption and
how adolescents and young people are formed,
the virtue of chastity is found within temperance—a
cardinal virtue elevated and enriched by grace
in baptism. So chastity is not to be understood
as a repressive attitude. On the contrary, chastity
should be understood rather as the purity and
temporary stewardship of a precious and rich
gift of love, in view of the self-giving realized
in each person's specific vocation. Chastity
is thus that "spiritual energy capable
of defending love from the perils of selfishness
and aggressiveness, and able to advance it towards
its full realization". Ibid., 33.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes
and in a sense defines chastity in this way:
"Chastity means the successful integration
of sexuality within the person and thus the
inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual
being". Catechism of the Catholic Church,
October 11, 1992, 2337.
5. In the framework of educating the
young person for self-realization and self-giving,
formation for chastity implies the collaboration
first and foremost of the parents, as is the
case with formation for the other virtues such
as temperance, fortitude and prudence. Chastity
cannot exist as a virtue without the capacity
to renounce self, to make sacrifices and to
wait.
In giving life, parents cooperate with the
creative power of God and receive the gift of
a new responsibility—not only to feed their
children and satisfy their material and cultural
needs, but above all to pass on to them the
lived truth of the faith and to educate them
in love of God and neighbour. This is the parents'
first duty in the heart of the "domestic
church". Cf. Second Vatican Council, Dogmatic
Constitution on the Church, Lumen Gentium, 11;
Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity, Apostolicam
Actuositatem, 11.
The Church has always affirmed that parents
have the duty and the right to be the first
and the principal educators of their children.
Taking up the teaching of the Second Vatican
Council, the Catechism of the Catholic Church
says: "It is imperative to give suitable
and timely instruction to young people, above
all in the heart of their own families, about
the dignity of married love, its role and its
exercise". Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1632, citing Vatican Council II, Pastoral Constitution
on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et
Spes, 49.
6. The challenges raised today by the
mentality and social environment should not
discourage parents. In fact it is worth recalling
that Christians have had to face up to similar
challenges of materialistic hedonism from the
time of the first evangelization. Moreover,
"This kind of critical reflection should
lead our society, which certainly contains many
positive aspects on the material and cultural
level, to realize that, from various points
of view, it is a society which is sick and is
creating profound distortions in man. Why is
this happening? The reason is that our society
has broken away from the full truth about man,
from the truth about what man and woman really
are as persons. Thus it cannot adequately comprehend
the real meaning of the gift of persons in marriage,
responsible love at the service of fatherhood
and motherhood, and the true grandeur of procreation
and education". John Paul II, Letter to
Families, Gratissimam sane, February 2, 1994,
20: AAS 86 (1994), p. 917.
7. Therefore the educative work of parents
is indispensable for, "If it is true that
by giving life parents share in God's creative
work, it is also true that by raising their
children they become sharers in his paternal
and at the same time maternal way of teaching......Through
Christ all education, within the family, and
outside of it, becomes part of God's own saving
pedagogy, which is addressed to individuals
and families and culminates in the Paschal Mystery
of the Lord's Death and Resurrection".
Ibid., 16.
In their at times delicate and arduous task,
parents must not let themselves become discouraged,
rather they should place their trust in the
help of God the Creator and Christ the Redeemer.
They should remember that the Church prays for
them with the words that Pope Saint Clement
I raised to the Lord for all who bear authority
in his name: "Grant to them, Lord, health,
peace, concord and stability, so that they may
exercise without offence the sovereignty that
you have given them. Master, heavenly King of
the ages, you give glory, honour and power over
the things of the earth to the sons of men.
Direct, Lord, their counsel, following what
is pleasing and acceptable in your sight, so
that by exercising with devotion and in peace
and gentleness the power that you have given
to them, they may find favour with you".
Saint Clement of Rome, Letter to the Corinthians,
61: 1-2; cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1900. On the other hand, having given and welcomed
life in an atmosphere of love, parents are rich
in an educative potential which no one else
possesses. In a unique way they know their own
children; they know them in their unrepeatable
identity and by experience they possess the
secrets and the resources of true love.
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I—Called To True Love
8. As the image of God, man is created
for love. This truth was fully revealed to us
in the New Testament, together with the mystery
of the inner life of the Trinity: "God
is love (1 John 4: 8) and in himself he lives
a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating
the human race in his own image....God inscribed
in the humanity of man and woman the vocation,
and thus the capacity and responsibility, of
love and communion. Love is therefore the fundamental
and innate vocation of every human being."
Familiaris Consortio, 11. The whole meaning
of true freedom, and self-control which follows
from it, is thus directed towards self-giving
in communion and friendship with God and with
others. Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Letter,
Mulieris Dignitatem, August 15 1988, 7 and 18;
AAS 80 (1988), pp. 1667 and 1693.
Human Love as Self-Giving
9. The person is thus capable of a higher
kind of love than concupiscence, which only
sees objects as a means to satisfy one's appetites;
the person is capable rather of friendship and
self-giving, with the capacity to recognize
and love persons for themselves. Like the love
of God, this is a love capable of generosity.
One desires the good of the other because he
or she is recognized as worthy of being loved.
This is a love which generates communion between
persons, because each considers the good of
the other as his or her own good. This is a
self-giving made to one who loves us, a self-giving
whose inherent goodness is discovered and activated
in the communion of persons and where one learns
the value of loving and of being loved.
Each person is called to love as friendship
and self-giving. Each person is freed from the
tendency to selfishness by the love of others,
in the first place by parents or those who take
their place and, definitively, by God, from
whom all true love proceeds and in whose love
alone does man discover to what extent he is
loved. Here we find the root of the educative
power of Christianity: "Humanity is loved
by God! This very simple yet profound proclamation
is owed to humanity by the Church." John
Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, Christifideles
Laici, December 30 1988, 34; AAS 81 (1989),
p. 456.. In this way Christ has revealed his
true identity to man: "Christ the new Adam,
in the very revelation of the mystery of the
Father and of his love, fully reveals man to
himself and brings to light his most high calling."
Gaudium et Spes, 22.
The love revealed by Christ "which the
Apostle Paul celebrates in the First Letter
to the Corinthians...is certainly a demanding
love. But this is precisely the source of its
beauty: by the very fact that it is demanding,
it builds up the true good of man and allows
it to radiate to others." Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 14. Therefore it is a love
which respects and builds up the person because
"Love is true when it creates the good
of persons and of communities; it creates that
good and gives it to others." Ibid., 14.
Love and Human Sexuality
10. Man is called to love and to self-giving
in the unity of body and spirit. Femininity
and masculinity are complementary gifts, through
which human sexuality is an integrating part
of the concrete capacity for love which God
has inscribed in man and woman. "Sexuality
is a fundamental component of personality, one
of its modes of being, of manifestation, of
communicating with others, of feeling, of expressing
and of living human love." Congregation
for Catholic Education, Educational Guidance
in Human Love, November 1, 1983, 4; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, December 5, 1983, p.
5. This capacity for love as self-giving is
thus "incarnated" in the nuptial meaning
of the body, which bears the imprint of the
person's masculinity and femininity. "The
human body, with its sex, and its masculinity
and femininity, seen in the very mystery of
creation, is not only a source of fruitfulness
and procreation, as in the whole natural order,
but includes right 'from the beginning' the
'nuptial' attribute, that is, the capacity of
expressing love: that love precisely in which
the man-person becomes a gift and—by means
of this gift—fulfils the very meaning of
his being and existence." John Paul II,
General Audience, January 16, 1980, 1; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, January 21, 1983, p.
1. Every form of love will always bear this
masculine and feminine character.
11. Human sexuality is thus a good,
part of that created gift which God saw as being
"very good", when he created the human
person in his image and likeness, and "male
and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27).
Insofar as it is a way of relating and being
open to others, sexuality has love as its intrinsic
end, more precisely, love as donation and acceptance,
love as giving and receiving. The relationship
between a man and a woman is essentially a relationship
of love: "Sexuality, oriented, elevated
and integrated by love acquires truly human
quality." Educational Guidance in Human
Love, 6. When such love exists in marriage,
self-giving expresses, through the body, the
complementarity and totality of the gift. Married
love thus becomes a power which enriches persons
and makes them grow and, at the same time, it
contributes to building up the civilization
of love. But when the sense and meaning of gift
is lacking in sexuality, a "civilization
of things and not of persons" takes over,
"a civilization in which persons are used
in the same way as things are used. In the context
of a civilization of use, woman can become an
object for man, children a hindrance to parents..."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 13.
12. The gift of God: this great truth
and basic fact stands at the centre of the Christian
conscience of parents and their children. Here
we refer to the gift which God has given us
in calling us to life, to exist as man or woman
in an unrepeatable existence, full of endless
possibilities for growing spiritually and morally:
"human life is a gift received in order
then to be given as a gift." John Paul
II, Encyclical Letter, Evangelium Vitae, March
25, 1995, 92; AAS (1995), p. 506. "In fact
the gift reveals, so to speak, a particular
characteristic of human existence, or rather,
of the very essence of the person. When God
Yahweh says that 'it is not good that man should
be alone' (Genesis 2:18), he affirms that 'alone',
man does not completely realize his existence.
He realizes it only by existing 'with some one'—and
even more deeply and completely: by existing
'for some one'." John Paul II, General
Audience, January 9, 1980, 2; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, January 14, 1989, p.
1. Married love is fulfilled in openness to
the other person and in self-giving, taking
the form of a total gift that belongs to this
state of life. Moreover, the vocation to the
consecrated life always finds its meaning in
self-giving, sustained by a special grace, the
gift of oneself "to God alone with an undivided
heart in a remarkable manner" Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2349. in order to serve
him more fully in the Church. Therefore, in
every condition and state of life, this gift
comes to be ever more wondrous by redeeming
grace, through which we become "partakers
of the divine nature" (2 Peter 1:4) and
are called to live the supernatural communion
of love together with God and with our brothers
and sisters. Even in the most delicate situations,
Christian parents cannot forget that the gift
of God is there, at the very basis of all personal
and family history.
13. "As an incarnate spirit, that
is, a soul which expresses itself in a body
and a body informed by an immortal spirit, man
is called to love in his unified totality. Love
includes the human body, and the body is made
a sharer in spiritual love." Familiaris
Consortio, 11. The meaning of sexuality itself
is to be understood in the light of Christian
Revelation: "Sexuality characterizes man
and woman not only on the physical level, but
also on the psychological and spiritual, making
its mark on each of their expressions. Such
diversity, linked to the complementarity of
the two sexes, allows thorough response to the
design of God according to the vocation to which
each one is called." Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 5.
Married Love
14. When love is lived out in marriage,
it includes and surpasses friendship. Love between
a man and woman is achieved when they give themselves
totally, each in turn according to their own
masculinity and femininity, founding on the
marriage covenant that communion of persons
where God has willed that human life be conceived,
grow and develop. To this married love, and
to this love alone, belongs sexual giving, "realized
in a truly human way only if it is an integral
part of the love by which a man and a woman
commit themselves totally to one another until
death." Familiaris Consortio, 11. The Catechism
of the Catholic Church recalls: "In marriage
the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes
a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage
bonds between baptized persons are sanctified
by the sacrament." Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2360.
Love Open to Life
15. The revealing sign of authentic
married love is openness to life: "In its
most profound reality, love is essentially a
gift; and conjugal love, while leading the spouses
to the reciprocal 'knowledge'....does not end
with the couple, because it makes them capable
of the greatest possible gift, the gift by which
they become cooperators with God for giving
life to a new human person. Thus the couple,
while giving themselves to one another, give
not just themselves but also the reality of
children, who are a living reflection of their
love, a permanent sign of conjugal unity and
a living and inseparable synthesis of their
being a father and a mother." Familiaris
Consortio, 14. From this communion of love and
life spouses draw that human and spiritual richness
and that positive atmosphere for offering their
children the support of education for love and
chastity.
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II—True Love And Chastity
16. As we will later observe, virginal
and married love are the two forms in which
the person's call to love is fulfilled. In order
for both to develop, they require the commitment
to live chastity, in conformity with each person's
own state of life. As the Catechism of the Catholic
Church says, sexuality "becomes personal
and truly human when it is integrated into the
relationship of one person to another, in the
complete and mutual lifelong gift of a man and
a woman." Catechism of the Catholic Church,
2337. Insofar as it entails sincere self-giving,
it is obvious that growth in love is helped
by that discipline of the feelings, passions
and emotions which leads us to self-mastery.
One cannot give what one does not possess. If
the person is not master of self—through
the virtues and, in a concrete way, through
chastity—he or she lacks that self-possession
which makes self-giving possible. Chastity is
the spiritual power which frees love from selfishness
and aggression. To the degree that a person
weakens chastity, his or her love becomes more
and more selfish, that is, satisfying a desire
for pleasure and no longer self-giving.
Chastity as Self-Giving
17. Chastity is the joyous affirmation
of someone who knows how to live self-giving,
free from any form of self-centred slavery.
This presupposes that the person has learnt
how to accept other people, to relate with them,
while respecting their dignity in diversity.
The chaste person is not self-centred, not involved
in selfish relationships with other people.
Chastity makes the personality harmonious. It
matures it and fills it with inner peace. This
purity of mind and body helps develop true self-respect
and at the same time makes one capable of respecting
others, because it makes one see in them persons
to reverence, insofar as they are created in
the image of God and through grace are children
of God, re-created by Christ who "called
you out of darkness into his marvellous light"
(1 Peter 2:9).
Self-Mastery
18. "Chastity includes an apprenticeship
in self-mastery which is a training in human
freedom. The alternative is clear: either man
governs his passions and finds peace, or he
lets himself be dominated by them and becomes
unhappy." Ibid., 2339. Every person knows,
by experience, that chastity requires rejecting
certain thoughts, words and sinful actions,
as Saint Paul was careful to clarify and point
out (cf. Romans 1: 18; 6: 12-14; 1 Corinthians
6: 9-11; 2 Corinthians 7: 1; Galatians 5: 16-23;
Ephesians 4: 17-24; 5: 3-13; Colossians 3: 5-8;
1 Thessalonians 4: 1-18; 1 Timothy 1: 8-11;
4: 12). To achieve this requires ability and
an attitude of self-mastery which are signs
of inner freedom, of responsibility towards
oneself and others. At the same time, these
signs bear witness to a faithful conscience.
Such self-mastery involves both avoiding occasions
which might provoke or encourage sin as well
as knowing how to overcome one's own natural
instinctive impulses.
19. When the family is providing real
educational support and encouraging the exercise
of all the virtues, education for chastity is
made easy and lacks inner conflicts, even if
at certain times young people can experience
particularly delicate situations.
For some who find themselves in situations
where chastity is offended against and not valued,
living in a chaste way can demand a hard or
even a heroic struggle. Nonetheless, with the
grace of Christ, flowing from his spousal love
for the Church, everyone can live chastely even
if they find themselves in unfavourable circumstances.
The very fact that all are called to holiness,
as the Second Vatican Council teaches, makes
it easier to understand that everyone can be
in situations where heroic acts of virtue are
indispensable, whether in celibate life or marriage,
and that in fact in one way or another this
happens to everyone for shorter or longer periods
of time. Cf. John Paul II, Address to the Participants
at the Study Seminar on "Responsible Parenthood",
organized by the University of the Sacred Heart
and the John Paul II Institute, September 17,
1983; L'Osservatore Romano, English edition,
October 10, 1983, pp. 7 and 16. Therefore married
life also entails a joyous and demanding path
to holiness.
Chastity in Marriage
20. "Married people are called
to live conjugal chastity; others practise chastity
in continence." Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2349. Parents are well aware that living
conjugal chastity themselves is the most valid
premise for educating their children in chaste
love and in holiness of life. This means that
parents should be aware that God's love is present
in their love, and hence that their sexual giving
should also be lived out in respect for God
and for his plan of love, with fidelity, honour
and generosity towards one's spouse and towards
the life which can arise from their act of love.
Only in this way can their love be an expression
of charity. See below n. 54. Therefore, in marriage
Christians are called to live this self-giving
in a right personal relationship with God. This
relationship is thus an expression of their
faith and love for God with the fidelity and
generous fruitfulness which distinguishes divine
love. Cf. Paul VI, Encyclical Letter, Humanae
Vitae, July 25, 1968, 8 and 9; AAS 60 (1968),
pp. 485-486. Only in this way do they respond
to the love of God and fulfil his will, which
the Commandments help us to know. There is no
legitimate love, at its highest level, which
is not also love for God. To love the Lord implies
responding positively to his commandments: "If
you love me, you will keep my commandments"
(John 14:15). Not to do so is always self-delusion,
as Saint John of Avila observes: some people
are so clouded in their minds that "they
believe that if their heart moves them to do
anything, they must do it, even if it is against
the commandments of God. They say that they
love Him so much that if they break his commandments
they do not lose his love. In this way they
forget that the Son of God preached the contrary
from his own lips: whoever welcomes my commandments
and observes them, this man loves me (John 14:21);
if anyone loves me he will keep my commandments
(John 14:23). And anyone who does not love me
does not keep my words. Thus he makes us understand
clearly that whoever does not keep his words
has neither his friendship nor his love. As
Saint Augustine says: 'no-one can love the king
if he abhors his commandments'." Audi filia,
c. 50. 21.
In order to live chastely, man and woman need
the continuous illumination of the Holy Spirit.
"At the centre of the spirituality of marriage...lies
chastity, not only as a moral virtue (formed
by love), but likewise as a virtue connected
with the gifts of the Holy Spirit—above
all the gift of respect for what comes from
God (donum pietatis)...So therefore, the interior
order of married life, which enables the 'manifestations
of affection' to develop according to their
right proportion and meaning, is a fruit not
only of the virtue which the couple practise,
but also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit with
which they cooperate." John Paul II, General
Audience, November 14, 1984, 2; L'Osservatore
Romano, English Edition, November 19, 1984,
p. 1.
On the other hand, convinced that their own
chaste life and the daily effort of bearing
witness are the premise and condition for their
educational task, parents should also consider
any attack on the virtue and chastity of their
children as an offence against the life of faith
itself that threatens and impoverishes their
own communion of life and grace (cf. Ephesians
6: 12).
Education for Chastity
22. Educating children for chastity
strives to achieve three objectives: (a) to
maintain in the family a positive atmosphere
of love, virtue and respect for the gifts of
God, in particular the gift of life; Cf. Evangelium
Vitae, 97. (a) to help children to understand
the value of sexuality and chastity in stages,
sustaining their growth through enlightening
word, example and prayer; (c) to help them understand
and discover their own vocation to marriage
or to consecrated virginity for the sake of
the Kingdom of Heaven in harmony with and respecting
their attitudes and inclinations and the gifts
of the Spirit.
23. Other educators can assist in this
task, but they can only take the place of parents
for serious reasons of physical or moral incapacity.
On this point the Magisterium of the Church
has expressed itself clearly, Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 36—37. in relation to the whole
educative process of children: "The role
of parents in education is of such importance
that it is almost impossible to find an adequate
substitute. It is therefore the duty of parents
to create a family atmosphere inspired by love
and devotion to God and their fellow-men which
will promote an integrated, personal and social
education of their children. The family is therefore
the principal school of the social virtues which
are necessary to every society." Vatican
Council II, Declaration on Christian Education,
Gravissimum Educationis, 3. In fact education
is the parents' domain insofar as their educational
task continues the generation of life; moreover
it is an offering of their humanity Letter to
Families, Gratissimam sane, 16. to their children
to which they are solemnly bound in the very
moment of celebrating their marriage. "Parents
are the first and most important educators of
their children, and they also possess a fundamental
competency in this area: they are educators
because they are parents. They share their individual
mission with other individuals or institutions,
such as the Church and the State. But the mission
of education must always be carried out in accordance
with a proper application of the principle of
subsidiarity. This implies the legitimacy and
indeed the need of giving assistance to the
parents, but finds its intrinsic and absolute
limit in their prevailing right and their actual
capabilities. The principle of subsidiarity
is thus at the service of parental love, meeting
the good of the family unit. For parents by
themselves are not capable of satisfying every
requirement of the whole process of raising
children, especially in matters concerning their
schooling and the entire gamut of socialization.
Subsidiarity thus complements paternal and maternal
love and confirms its fundamental nature, inasmuch
as all other participants in the process of
education are only able to carry out their responsibilities
in the name of the parents, with their consent
and, to a certain degree, with their authorization."
Ibid., 16.
24. In particular, the project of education
in sexuality and true love, open to self- giving,
is confronted today by a culture guided by positivism,
as the Holy Father notes in the Letter to Families:
"..the development of contemporary civilization
is linked to a scientific and technological
progress which is often achieved in a one-sided
way, and thus appears purely positivistic. Positivism,
as we know, results in agnosticism in theory
and utilitarianism in practice and in ethics...
Utilitarianism is a civilization of production
and of use, a civilization of things and not
of persons, a civilization in which persons
are used in the same way as things are used...
To be convinced that this is the case, one need
only to look at certain sexual education programmes
introduced into the schools, often notwithstanding
the disagreement and even the protests of many
parents..." Ibid., 13.
In this context, based on the teaching of the
Church and with her support, parents must reclaim
their own task. By associating together, wherever
this is necessary or useful, they should put
into action an educational project marked by
the true values of the person and Christian
love and taking a clear position that surpasses
ethical utilitarianism. For education to correspond
to the objective needs of true love, parents
should provide this education within their own
autonomous responsibility.
25. Moreover, in relation to preparation
for marriage the teaching of the Church states
that the family must remain the main protagonist
in this educational work. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
66.
Certainly "the changes that have taken
place within almost all modern societies demand
that not only the family but also society and
the Church should be involved in the effort
of properly preparing young people for their
future responsibilities." Ibid., loc. cit..
It is precisely with this end in view that the
educational task of the family takes on greater
importance from the earliest years: "Remote
preparation begins in early childhood in that
wise family training which leads children to
discover themselves as being endowed with a
rich and complex psychology and with a particular
personality with its own strengths and weaknesses."
Ibid., loc. cit..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
III—In The Light Of Vocation
26. The family carries out a decisive
role in cultivating and developing all vocations,
as the Second Vatican Council taught: "From
the marriage of Christians there comes the family
in which new citizens of human society are born
and, by the grace of the Holy Spirit in Baptism,
those are made children of God so that the People
of God may be perpetuated throughout the centuries.
In what might be regarded as the domestic church,
the parents by word and example, are the first
heralds of the faith with regard to their children.
They must foster the vocation which is proper
to each child, and this with special care if
it be to religion." Lumen Gentium, 11.
Yet the very fact that vocations flourish is
the sign of adequate pastoral care of the family:
"where there is an effective and enlightened
family apostolate, just as it becomes normal
to accept life as a gift from God, so it is
easier for God's voice to resound and to find
a more generous hearing." John Paul II,
Address to the Sixteenth General Assembly of
the Italian Episcopal Conference, May 15, 1979,
4; L'Osservatore Romano, English edition, June
11, 1979, p. 14.
Here we are dealing with vocations to marriage
or to virginity or celibacy, but these are always
vocations to holiness. Indeed, the document
Lumen Gentium presents the Second Vatican Council's
teaching on the universal call to holiness:
"Strengthened by so many and such great
means of salvation, all the faithful, whatever
their condition or state—though each in
his own way—are called by the Lord to that
perfection of sanctity by which the Father himself
is perfect." Lumen Gentium, 11.
1. The Vocation to Marriage
27.Formation for true love is always the best
preparation for the vocation to marriage. In
the family, children and young people can learn
to live human sexuality within the solid context
of Christian life. They can gradually discover
that a stable Christian marriage cannot be regarded
as a matter of convenience or mere sexual attraction.
By the fact that it is a vocation, marriage
must involve a carefully considered choice,
a mutual commitment before God and the constant
seeking of his help in prayer.
Called to Married Love
28. Committed to the task of educating
their children for love, Christian parents first
of all can take awareness of their married love
as a reference point. As the Encyclical Humanae
Vitae states, such love "reveals its true
nature and nobility when it is considered in
its supreme origin, God, who is love (cf. 1
John 4: 8), 'the Father from whom every family
in heaven and on earth is named' (Ephesians
3: 15). Marriage is not, then, the effect of
chance or the product of evolution of unconscious
natural forces; it is the wise institution of
the Creator to realize in mankind his design
of love. By means of the reciprocal personal
gift of self, proper and exclusive to them,
husband and wife tend towards the communion
of their beings in view of mutual personal perfection,
to collaborate with God in the generation and
education of new lives. For baptized persons,
moreover, marriage invests the dignity of a
sacramental sign of grace, inasmuch as it represents
the union of Christ and of the Church."
Humanae Vitae, 8.
The Holy Father's Letter to Families recalls
that: "The family is in fact a community
of persons whose proper way of existing and
living together is communion: communio personarum."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 7. Going
back to the teaching of the Second Vatican Council,
the Holy Father teaches that such a communion
involves "a certain similarity between
the union of the divine Persons and union of
God's children in truth and love." Gaudium
et Spes, 24. "This rich and meaningful
formulation first of all confirms what is central
to the identity of every man and every woman.
This identity consists in the capacity to live
in truth and love; even more, it consists in
the need of truth and love as an essential dimension
of the life of the person. Man's need for truth
and love opens him both to God and to creatures:
it opens him to other people, to life in communion,
and in particular to marriage and to the family."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 8.
29. As the Encyclical Humanae Vitae
affirms, married love has four characteristics:
it is human love (physical and spiritual), it
is total, faithful and fruitful love. Cf. Humanae
Vitae, 9.
These characteristics are founded on the fact
that "In marriage man and woman are so
firmly united as to become, to use the words
of the Book of Genesis—one flesh (Genesis
2:24). Male and female in their physical constitution,
the two human subjects, even though physically
different, share equally in the capacity to
live in truth and love. This capacity, characteristic
of the human being as a person, has at the same
time both a spiritual and a bodily dimension......The
family which results from this union draws its
inner solidity from the covenant between the
spouses, which Christ raised to a Sacrament.
The family draws its proper character as a community,
its traits of communion, from that fundamental
communion of the spouses which is prolonged
in their children. Will you accept children
lovingly from God, and bring them up according
to the law of Christ and his Church?, the celebrant
asks during the Rite of Marriage. The answer
given by the spouses reflects the most profound
truth of the love which unites them." Letter
to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 8. With the same
formula, spouses commit themselves and promise
to be "faithful forever" Rituale Romanum,
Ordo celebrandi matrimonium, 60. because their
fidelity really flows from this communion of
persons which is rooted in the plan of the Creator,
in Trinitarian Love and in the Sacrament which
expresses the faithful union between Christ
and the Church.
30. Christian marriage is a sacrament
whereby sexuality is integrated into a path
to holiness, through a bond reinforced by the
indissoluble unity of the sacrament: "The
gift of the sacrament is at the same time a
vocation and commandment for the Christian spouses,
that they may remain faithful to each other
forever, beyond every trial and difficulty,
in generous obedience to the holy will of the
Lord: 'What therefore God has joined together,
let not man put asunder'." Familiaris Consortio,
20, citing Matthew 19:6.
Parents Face a Current Concern
31. Unfortunately, even in Christian
societies today, parents have reason to be concerned
about the stability of their children's future
marriages. Nevertheless, in spite of the rising
number of divorces and the growing crisis of
the family, they should respond with optimism,
committing themselves to give their children
a deep Christian formation to make them able
to overcome various difficulties. Actually,
the love for chastity, which parents help to
form, favours mutual respect between man and
woman and provides a capacity for compassion,
tolerance, generosity, and above all, a spirit
of sacrifice, without which love cannot endure.
Children will thus come to marriage with that
realistic wisdom about which Saint Paul speaks
when he teaches that husband and wife must continually
give way to one another in love, cherishing
one another with mutual patience and affection
(cf. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-6; Ephesians 5: 21-23).
32. Through this remote formation for
chastity in the family, adolescents and young
people learn to live sexuality in its personal
dimension, rejecting any kind of separation
of sexuality from love—understood as self-giving—and
any separation of the love between husband and
wife from the family.
Parental respect for life and the mystery of
procreation will spare the child or young person
from the false idea that the two dimensions
of the conjugal act, unitive and procreative,
can be separated at will. Thus the family comes
to be recognized as an inseparable part of the
vocation to marriage.
A Christian education for chastity within the
family cannot remain silent about the moral
gravity involved in separating the unitive dimension
from the procreative dimension within married
life. This happens above all in contraception
and artificial procreation. In the first case,
one intends to seek sexual pleasure, intervening
in the conjugal act to avoid conception; in
the second case conception is sought by substituting
the conjugal act with a technique. These are
actions contrary to the truth of married love
and contrary to full communion between husband
and wife.
Forming young people for chastity should thus
become a preparation for responsible fatherhood
and motherhood, which "directly concern
the moment in which a man and a woman, uniting
themselves in one flesh, can become parents.
This is a moment of special value both for their
interpersonal relationship and for their service
to life: they can become parents—father
and mother—by communicating life to a new
human being. The two dimensions of conjugal
union, the unitive and the procreative, cannot
be artificially separated without damaging the
deepest truth of the conjugal act itself."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 12; cf.
Humanae Vitae, 12; Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2366.
It is also necessary to put before young people
the consequences, which are always very serious,
of separating sexuality from procreation when
someone reaches the stage of practising sterilization
and abortion or pursuing sexual activity dissociated
from married love, before and outside of marriage.
Much of the moral order and marital harmony
of the family, hence also the true good of society,
depends on this timely education, which finds
its place in God's plan, in the very structure
of sexuality and the intimate nature of marriage.
33.Parents who carry out their own right and
duty to form their children for chastity can
be certain that they are helping them in turn
to build stable and united families, thus anticipating,
insofar as this is possible, the joys of paradise:
"How can I ever express the happiness of
the marriage that is joined together by the
Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed
by a blessing, announced by angels and ratified
by the Father....They are both brethren and
both fellow servants; there is no separation
between them in spirit or flesh....Christ rejoices
in them and he sends them his peace; where the
couple is, there he is also to be found, and
where he is, evil can no longer abide."
Cf. Tertullian, Ad uxorem, II, VIII, 6-8: CCL
1, 393-394; cf. Familiaris Consortio, 13.
2. The Vocation to Virginity and Celibacy
34. Christian revelation presents the
two vocations to love: marriage and virginity.
In some societies today, not only marriage and
the family, but also vocations to the priesthood
and the religious life, are often in a state
of crisis. The two situations are inseparable:
"When marriage is not esteemed, neither
can consecrated virginity or celibacy exist;
when human sexuality is not regarded as a great
value given by the Creator, the renunciation
of it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven
loses its meaning." Familiaris Consortio,
16. A lack of vocations follows from the breakdown
of the family, yet where parents are generous
in welcoming life, children will be more likely
to be generous when it comes to the question
of offering themselves to God: "Families
must once again express a generous love for
life and place themselves at its service above
all by accepting the children which the Lord
wants to give them with a sense of responsibility
not detached from peaceful trust", and
they may bring this acceptance to fulfilment
not only "through a continuing educational
effort but also through an obligatory commitment,
at times perhaps neglected, to help teenagers
especially and young people to accept the vocational
dimension of every living being, within God's
plan....Human life acquires fullness when it
becomes a self-gift: a gift which can express
itself in matrimony, in consecrated virginity,
in self-dedication to one's neighbour towards
an ideal, or in the choice of priestly ministry.
Parents will truly serve the life of their children
if they help them make their own lives a gift,
respecting their mature choices and fostering
joyfully each vocation, including the religious
and priestly one." John Paul II, Address
to Participants in a Family Ministry Convention
sponsored by the Italian Episcopal Conference,
April 28, 1990, 3 and 4; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, May 7, 1990, p. 2.
When he deals with sexual education in Familiaris
Consortio, this is why Pope John Paul II affirms:
"Indeed Christian parents, discerning the
signs of God's call, will devote special attention
and care to education in virginity or celibacy
as the supreme form of that self-giving that
constitutes the very meaning of human sexuality."
Familiaris Consortio, 37.
Parents and Priestly and Religious Vocations
35. Parents should therefore rejoice
if they see in any of their children the signs
of God's call to the higher vocation of virginity
or celibacy for the love of the Kingdom of Heaven.
They should accordingly adapt formation for
chaste love to the needs of those children,
encouraging them on their own path up to the
time of entering the seminary or house of formation,
or until this specific call to self-giving with
an undivided heart matures. They must respect
and appreciate the freedom of each of their
children, encouraging their personal vocation
and without trying to impose a pre-determined
vocation on them.
The Second Vatican Council clearly set out
this distinct and honourable task of parents,
who are supported in their work by teachers
and priests: "Parents should nurture and
protect religious vocations in their children
by educating them in Christian virtues."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Renewal of
the Religious Life, Perfectae Caritatis, 24.
"The duty of fostering vocations falls
on the whole Christian community....The greatest
contribution is made by families which are animated
by a spirit of faith, charity and piety and
which provide, as it were, a first seminary,
and by parishes in whose abundant life the young
people themselves take an active part."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Training of
Priests, Optatum Totius, 2. "Parents, teachers
and all who are in any way concerned in the
education of boys and young men ought to train
them in such a way that they will know the solicitude
of the Lord for his flock and be alive to the
needs of the Church. In this way they will be
prepared when the Lord calls to answer generously
with the prophet: 'Here am I! send me' (Isaiah
6:8)." Vatican Council II, Decree on the
Ministry and Life of Priests, Presbyterorum
Ordinis, 11.
This necessary family context for maturing
religious and priestly vocations brings to mind
the serious situation of many families, especially
in certain countries, families with an impoverished
life because they have chosen to deprive themselves
of children or where they have only one child,
a situation in which it is very difficult for
vocations to arise and even difficult to develop
a full social education.
36. The truly Christian family will
also be able to communicate an understanding
of the value of celibacy to unmarried children
or those who are incapable of marriage for reasons
apart from their own will. If they are formed
well from childhood and during their youth,
they will be equipped to face their own situation
more easily. Likewise, they will be able to
discover the will of God in such a situation
and so find a sense of vocation and peace in
their own lives. Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 16.
These persons, especially if they have some
kind of physical disability, need to be shown
the great possibilities for self-realization
and spiritual fruitfulness which are open to
those who make a commitment to help their poorest
and most needy brothers and sisters, sustained
by faith and the love of God.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IV—Father And Mother As Educators
37. In granting married persons the
privilege and great responsibility of becoming
parents, God gives them the grace to carry out
their mission adequately. Moreover, in the task
of educating their children, parents are enlightened
by "two fundamental truths...: first, that
man is called to live in truth and love; and
second, that everyone finds fulfillment through
the sincere gift of self". Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 16. As spouses, parents and
ministers of the sacramental grace of marriage,
they are sustained from day to day by special
spiritual energies, received from Jesus Christ
who loves and nurtures his Bride, the Church.
As husband and wife who have become "one
flesh" through the bond of marriage, they
share the duty to educate their children through
willing collaboration nourished by vigorous
mutual dialogue that "has a new specific
source in the sacrament of marriage, which consecrates
them for the strictly Christian education of
their children: that is to say, it calls upon
them to share in the very authority and love
of God the Father and Christ the shepherd, and
in the motherly love of the Church, and it enriches
them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude and all
the other gifts of the Holy Spirit in order
to help the children in their growth as human
beings and as Christians". Familiaris Consortio,
38.
38. In the context of formation in chastity,
"fatherhood-motherhood" also includes
one parent who is left alone and adoptive parents.
The task of a single parent is certainly not
easy because the support of the other spouse
and the role and example of a parent of the
other sex is lacking. But God sustains single
parents with a special love and calls them to
take on this task with the same generosity and
sensitivity with which they love and care for
their children in other areas of family life.
39. Some other persons are called upon
in certain cases to take the place of parents:
those who take on the parental role in a permanent
way, for instance, for orphans or abandoned
children. They, too, have the task of educating
children and young people in an overall sense,
as well as in chastity, and they will receive
the grace of their state of life to do this
according to the same principles that guide
Christian parents.
40. Parents must never feel alone in
this task. The Church supports and encourages
them, confident that they can carry out this
function better than anyone else. She also encourages
those men or women who, often with great sacrifice,
give children without parents a form of parental
love and family life. In any case, all of them
must approach this duty in a spirit of prayer,
open and obedient to the moral truths of faith
and reason that integrate the teaching of the
Church, and always seeing children and young
people as persons, children of God and heirs
to the Kingdom of Heaven.
The Rights and Duties of Parents
41. Before going into the practical
details of young people's formation in chastity,
it is extremely important for parents to be
aware of their rights and duties, particularly
in the face of a State or a school that tends
to take up the initiative in the area of sex
education.
The Holy Father John Paul II reaffirms this
in Familiaris Consortio: "The right and
duty of parents to give education is essential,
since it is connected with the transmission
of human life; it is original and primary with
regard to the educational role of others, on
account of the uniqueness of the loving relationship
between parents and children; and it is irreplaceable
and inalienable, and therefore incapable of
being entirely delegated to others or usurped
by others", Familiaris Consortio, 36. except
in the case, as mentioned at the beginning,
of physical or psychological impossibility.
42. This doctrine is based on the teaching
of the Second Vatican Council, Cf. Gravissimum
Educationis, 3. and is also proclaimed by the
Charter of the Rights of the Family: "Since
they have conferred life on their children,
parents have the original, primary and inalienable
right to educate them; hence they ...have the
right to educate their children in conformity
with their moral and religious convictions,
taking into account the cultural traditions
of the family which favour the good and the
dignity of the child; they should also receive
from society the necessary aid and assistance
to perform their educational role properly."
Charter of the Rights of the Family, presented
by the Holy See, October 22, 1983, Article 5.
43. The Pope insists upon the fact that
this holds especially with regard to sexuality:
"Sex education, which is a basic right
and duty of parents, must always be carried
out under their attentive guidance, whether
at home or in educational centres chosen and
controlled by them. In this regard, the Church
reaffirms the law of subsidiarity, which the
school is bound to observe when it cooperates
in sex education, by entering into the same
spirit that animates the parents". Familiaris
Consortio, 37; see Charter of the Rights of
the Family, Article 5, c.
The Holy Father adds, "In view of the
close links between the sexual dimension of
the person and his or her ethical values, education
must bring the children to a knowledge of and
respect for the moral norms as the necessary
and highly valuable guarantee for responsible
personal growth in human sexuality". Familiaris
Consortio, 37. No one is capable of giving moral
education in this delicate area better than
duly prepared parents.
The Meaning of the Parents' Duty
44. This right also implies an educational
duty. If in fact parents do not give adequate
formation in chastity, they are failing in their
precise duty. Likewise, they would also be guilty
were they to tolerate immoral or inadequate
formation being given to their children outside
the home.
45. Today this task encounters a particular
difficulty with regard to the dissemination
of pornography, through the means of social
communication, instigated by commercial motives
and breaking down adolescent sensitivity. This
must call for two forms of concerned action
on the part of parents: preventive and critical
education with regard to their children, and
courageous denunciation to the appropriate authorities.
Parents, as individuals or in associations,
have the right and duty to promote the good
of their children and demand from the authorities
laws that prevent and eliminate the exploitation
of the sensitivity of children and adolescents.
From the viewpoint of children's education,
another delicate and complex problem, which
cannot be taken up sufficiently in this document,
is that of the transmission of AIDS, sexually
and through the use of drugs. The local Churches
are involved in many activities to help and
support persons with AIDS and for its prevention.
Particularly with regard to preventing AIDS,
the value of a well-ordered sexuality must be
promoted, based on the family. Moreover, it
is necessary to correct the opinion put about
by information campaigns based on so-called
"safe sex" and spreading protective
means (condoms). This position, in itself contrary
to morality, also turns out to be fallacious
and ends up increasing promiscuity and free
sexual activity through a false idea of safety.
Objective and scientifically rigorous studies
have shown the high percentage of the failure
of these means.
46. The Holy Father stresses this parental
task and outlines guidelines and the objective
in this regard: "Faced with a culture that
largely reduces human sexuality to the level
of something commonplace, since it interprets
and lives it in a reductive and impoverished
way by linking it solely with the body and with
selfish pleasure, the educational service of
parents must aim firmly at a training in the
area of sex that is truly and fully personal:
for sexuality is
