As a speaker, every now and then I’m able to come up with
a talk that really seems to connect. That’s what happened
recently at the Couple to Couple League National Conference.
Besides giving a keynote address, I gave a workshop for
parents entitled, “Legacy: Raising Godly Children in an
Ungodly World.” Using several topics from my book, Legacy,
I gave a talk for both parents on how they could raise their
children to survive today’s culture. Before opening my mouth,
I realized that my workshop topic connected with the parents
who were jamming into the room and spilling over into the
hallway.
Before I stumbled upon this parental concern when giving
my workshop, Pope Benedict XVI had perceived and addressed
the threat from modern culture that families are struggling
with. He said:
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“We are responding to the widespread concern of many
believing families, who fear, in today’s social and
cultural context, that they might not succeed in passing
on to their children the precious heritage of the
faith … various aspects of this educational task have
become very difficult, but for this very reason it
is even more important and especially urgent.”
Pope Benedict XVI, June 5, 2006, “The Joy of faith
and the education of the new generations.”
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When the Pope says that the task of parents passing on
the faith to their children has become “very difficult,”
that means it is. When he says that this task is “especially
urgent,” it means that action meeting this challenge is
urgent.
As I was heading to the airport from the Couple-to-Couple
League’s conference, my host asked me if I do parish events.
I initially replied, “No.” I explained that I try to do
outreach events hosted by a parish where the surrounding
community and other parishes are invited.
After a couple of more miles I said, “The problem is that
most parish events really aren’t parish events. They don’t
reach those in the parish that most need a family/parenting
seminar – only the faithful few who attend everything.”
Yet, because of the parental response to my workshop and
after reading the Pope’s statement, the parish event question
stayed in my mind after coming home. I wondered, “What if
a parish could organize a parenting seminar that connected
with all parents, including those occasionally showing up
for Sunday Mass, and maybe even those parents who only show
up for Christmas, Easter and baptisms?”
How exciting it would be to use a parenting seminar to
evangelize inactive (or only slightly active) Catholic parents.
Protestants certainly realize that special events are the
best ways to reactivate lapsed, or sporadically active,
members. It is also how they gain new members while meeting
the needs of their existing members. Parental concern for
the spiritual welfare of their children makes a parenting
seminar one of the most effective special events. Isn’t
it time that Catholics take advantage of this strategy?
Here’s the rub about Catholic parenting seminars: men
are noticeably absent. Can you blame them if speakers try
to get men to act like Mr. Mom? Rather, at least some guys
will respond to a seminar flyer that includes a bullet that
says, “How a fishing boat can make you a more effective
Christian father.”
Getting men to attend a parenting conference is hard work
and many are tempted to sidestep the challenge. Before succumbing
to this temptation, pay heed to St. Paul’s warning: He said,
“Fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If
the work which any man has built on the foundation survives,
he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up,
he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved” (1
Corinthians 3:13-15).
Let’s apply St. Paul’s teaching to family work. Cardinal
Bertone asserts that without the father “the entire architecture
of the family crumbles.” If Cardinal Bertone is right (and
I think he is), then all fatherless family work will ultimately
be reduced to ashes. On the other hand, keep fathers in
focus throughout all your family work and you will have
enduring success and a divine reward.
Take heart, you can get men to attend a parenting seminar
if:
1. You aggressively recruit them. Otherwise, wives and godly
grandmothers will make up the majority of the attendees.
2. Offer a men-only seminar. This remains the best way
to recruit men to a conference on fathering topics. (Note:
a men’s talk during a couples’ conference is extremely ineffective.
I’ve quit doing this.)
3. Charge a fee. Men evaluate the worth of a seminar by
its cost. Offering a free seminar makes it seem worthless
to many men and hurts male attendance. Female attendance
increases at free seminars, but getting women to attend
is not your prime problem. Yet it’s a good idea to offer
free registration to single moms at a parents’ seminar.
4. Provide childcare in an ultra-clean environment during
the seminar. Otherwise, dads will volunteer to stay home
and watch the kids while his wife attends. If you want parents
with babies to attend (it’s critical to reach out to these
parents), your parish should have a silent paging system
to alert concerned mothers if they are needed in the nursery.
Most mothers will never be paged. Even so, a mother will
feel much more secure in using a nursery if she knows she
can be contacted if needed. (Search Google for a wide selection
of parent pager systems. One such product is www.parentseeker.com.)
5. Don’t expect a bulletin notice to bring out the parents
who need it most. As a former pastor, I can testify that
anything in a church bulletin remains top secret. Get creative,
use color with a professional design, advertise. One parish
with a successful conference offered free coffee and donuts
after the Masses with high family attendance. While the
parents were munching on donuts, recruiters circulated through
the crowd giving out flyers and personal invitations.
6. Have an aggressive campaign where parishioners invite
their friends, neighbors, and fellow parishioners. Years
ago I worked with a local committee of the Billy Graham
Evangelistic Association to fill Tampa stadium for a Graham
crusade. An intentional plan of friends inviting friends
was the primary mechanism used to fill a stadium.
7. Ask your priest to actively promote the conference and
state in advance that he plans to attend the entire event.
The priests that do this almost always have better attendance.
I realize that so many pastors are over-burdened, but there
are few things that are absolutely necessary in the life
of a parish and reaching fathers of families comes close
to the top of the list.
If you want more ideas on how to have a successful parish
outreach that is effective in reaching men, read these articles:
I’m going to offer both a men’s seminar and a parish parents’
seminar entitled: “Legacy: Raising Godly Children in an
Ungodly World.” If you are going with the parents’ seminar
format, you’ll need to send us four or five action steps
that you’re taking to recruit fathers before we can accept
an invitation.
These links will get you started:
