Pope John Paul II
Given on February 2 and released
on February 22 at the Vatican.
CONTENTS
1. Introduction
2. The family - way of the Church
3. The Year of the Family
4. Prayer 5. Love and concern for all families
I. THE CIVILIZATION OF LOVE
6. "Male and female he created them"
7. The marital covenant
8. The unity of the two
9. The genealogy of the person
10. The common good of marriage and the family
11. The sincere gift of self
12. Responsible fatherhood and motherhood
13. The two civilizations
14. Love is demanding
15. The fourth commandment: "Honour your
father and your mother"
16. Education
17. Family and society
II. THE BRIDEGROOM IS WITH YOU
18. At Cana in Galilee
19. The Great Mystery
20. Mother of Fairest Love
21. Birth and Danger
22. "You welcomed me"
23. "Strengthened in the inner man"
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Dear Families!
1. The celebration of the Year of the
Family gives me a welcome opportunity to knock
at the door of your home, eager to greet you
with deep affection and to spend time with you.
I do so by this Letter, taking as my point of
departure the words of the Encyclical Redemptor
Hominis, published in the first days of my ministry
as the Successor of Peter. There I wrote that
man is the way of the Church.[1]
With these words I wanted first of all to evoke
the many paths along which man walks, and at
the same time to emphasize how deeply the Church
desires to stand at his side as he follows the
paths of his earthly life. The Church shares
in the joys and hopes, the sorrows and anxieties[2]
Of people's daily pilgrimage, firmly convinced
that it was Christ himself who set her on all
these paths. Christ entrusted man to the Church;
he entrusted man to her as the "way"
of her mission and her ministry.
THE FAMILY - WAY OF THE CHURCH
2. Among these many paths, the family
is the first and the most important. It is a
path common to all, yet one which is particular,
unique and unrepeatable, just as every individual
is unrepeatable; it is a path from which man
cannot withdraw. Indeed, a person normally comes
into the world within a family, and can be said
to owe to the family the very fact of his existing
as an individual. When he has no family, the
person coming into the world develops an anguished
sense of pain and loss, one which will subsequently
burden his whole life. The Church draws near
with loving concern to all who experience situations
such as these, for she knows well the fundamental
role which the family is called upon to play.
Furthermore, she knows that a person goes forth
from the family in order to realize in a new
family unit his particular vocation in life.
Even if someone chooses to remain single, the
family continues to be, as it were, his existential
horizon, that fundamental community in which
the whole network of social relations is grounded,
from the closest and most immediate to the most
distant. Do we not often speak of the "human
family" when referring to all the people
living in the world?
The family has its origin in that same love
with which the Creator embraces the created
world, as was already expressed "in the
beginning", in the Book of Genesis (1:1).
In the Gospel Jesus offers a supreme confirmation:
"God so loved the world that he gave his
only Son" (Jn 3:16). The only-begotten
Son, of one substance with the Father, "God
from God and Light from Light", entered
into human history through the family: "For
by his incarnation the Son of God united himself
in a certain way with every man. He laboured
with human hands... and loved with a human heart.
Born of Mary the Virgin, he truly became one
of us and, except for sin, was like us in every
respect".[3] If in fact Christ "fully
discloses man to himself",[4] he does so
beginning with the family in which he chose
to be born and to grow up. We know that the
Redeemer spent most of his life in the obscurity
of Nazareth, "obedient" (Lk 2:51)
as the "Son of Man" to Mary his Mother,
and to Joseph the carpenter. Is this filial
"obedience" of Christ not already
the first expression of that obedience to the
Father "unto death" (Phil 2:8), whereby
he redeemed the world?
The divine mystery of the Incarnation of the
Word thus has an intimate connection with the
human family. Not only with one family, that
of Nazareth, but in some way with every family,
analogously to what the Second Vatican Council
says about the Son of God, who in the Incarnation
"united himself in some sense with every
man".[5] Following Christ who "came"
into the world "to serve" (Mt 20:28),
the Church considers serving the family to be
one of her essential duties. In this sense both
man and the family constitute "the way
of the Church."
THE YEAR OF THE FAMILY
3. For these very reasons the Church
joyfully welcomes the decision of the United
Nations Organization to declare 1994 the International
Year of the Family. This initiative makes it
clear how fundamental the question of the family
is for the member States of the United Nations.
If the Church wishes to take part in this initiative,
it is because she herself has been sent by Christ
to "all nations" (Mt 28:19). Moreover,
this is not the first time the Church has made
her own an international initiative of the United
Nations. We need but recall, for example, the
International Year of Youth in 1985. In this
way also the Church makes herself present in
the world, fulfilling a desire which was dear
to Pope John XII, and which inspired the Second
Vatican Council's Constitution Gaudium et Spes.
On the Feast of the Holy Family in 1993 the
whole ecclesial community began the "Year
of the Family" as one of the important
steps along the path of preparation for the
Great Jubilee of the Year 2000, which will mark
the end of the second and the beginning of the
third Millennium of the Birth of Jesus Christ.
This Year ought to direct our thoughts and our
hearts towards Nazareth, where it was officially
inaugurated this past 26 December at a Solemn
Eucharistic Liturgy presided over by the Papal
Legate.
Throughout this Year it is important to discover
anew the many signs of the Church's love and
concern for the family, a love and concern expressed
from the very beginning of Christianity, when
the meaningful term "domestic church"
was applied to the family. In our own times
we have often returned to the phrase "domestic
church", which the Council adopted[6] and
the sense of which we hope will always remain
alive in people's minds. This desire is not
lessened by an awareness of the changed conditions
of families in today's world. Precisely because
of this, there is a continuing relevance to
the title chosen by the Council in the Pastoral
Constitution Gaudium et Spes in order to indicate
what the Church should be doing in the present
situation: "Promoting the dignity of marriage
and the family".[7] Another important reference
point after the Council is the 1981 Apostolic
Exhortation Familiaris Consortio. This text
takes into account a vast and complex experience
with regard to the family, which among different
peoples and countries always and everywhere
continues to be the "way of the Church".
In a certain sense it becomes all the more so
precisely in those places where the family is
suffering from internal crises or is exposed
to adverse cultural, social and economic influences
which threaten its inner unity and strength,
and even stand in the way of its very formation.
PRAYER
4. In this Letter I wish to speak not
to families "in the abstract" but
to every particular family in every part of
the world, wherever it is located and whatever
the diversity and complexity of its culture
and history. The love with which God "loved
the world" (Jn 3:16), the love with which
Christ loved each and every one "to the
end" (Jn 13:1), makes it possible to address
this message to each family, as a living "cell"
of the great and universal "family"
of mankind. The Father, Creator of the Universe,
and the Word Incarnate, the Redeemer of humanity,
are the source of this universal openness to
all people as brothers and sisters, and they
impel us to embrace them in the prayer which
begins with the tender words: "Our Father".
Prayer makes the Son of God present among us:
"For where two or three are gathered in
my name, I am there among them" (Mt 18:20).
This Letter to Families wishes in the first
place to be a prayer to Christ to remain in
every human family; an invitation to him, in
and through the small family of parents and
children, to dwell in the great family of nations,
so that together with him all of us can truly
say: "Our Father"! Prayer must become
the dominant element of the Year of the Family
in the Church: prayer by the family, prayer
for the family, and prayer with the family.
It is significant that precisely in and through
prayer, man comes to discover in a very simple
and yet profound way his own unique subjectivity:
in prayer the human "I" more easily
perceives the depth of what it means to be a
person. This is also true of the family, which
is not only the basic "cell" of society,
but also possesses a particular subjectivity
of its own. This subjectivity finds its first
and fundamental confirmation, and is strengthened,
precisely when the members of the family meet
in the common invocation: "Our Father".
Prayer increases the strength and spiritual
unity of the family, helping the family to partake
of God's own "strength". In the solemn
nuptial blessing during the Rite of Marriage,
the celebrant calls upon the Lord in these words:
"Pour out upon them [the newlyweds] the
grace of the Holy Spirit so that by your love
poured into their hearts they will remain faithful
in the marriage covenant".[8] This "visitation"
of the Holy Spirit gives rise to the inner strength
of families, as well as the power capable of
uniting them in love and truth.
LOVE AND CONCERN FOR ALL FAMILIES
5. May the Year of the Family become
a harmonious and universal prayer on the part
of all "domestic churches" and of
the whole People of God! May this prayer also
reach families in difficulty or danger, lacking
confidence or experiencing division, or in situations
which Familiaris Consortio describes as "irregular".[9]
May all families be able to feel the loving
and caring embrace of their brothers and sisters!
During the Year of the Family, prayer should
first of all be an encouraging witness on the
part of those families who live out their human
and Christian vocation in the communion of the
home. How many of them there are in every nation,
diocese and parish! With reason it can be said
that these families make up "the norm",
even admitting the existence of more than a
few "irregular situations". And experience
shows what an important role is played by a
family living in accordance with the moral norm,
so that the individual born and raised in it
will be able to set out without hesitation on
the road of the good, which is always written
in his heart. Unfortunately various programmes
backed by very powerful resources nowadays seem
to aim at the breakdown of the family. At times
it appears that concerted efforts are being
made to present as "normal" and attractive,
and even to glamourize, situations which are
in fact "irregular". Indeed, they
contradict "the truth and love" which
should inspire and guide relationships between
men and women, thus causing tensions and divisions
in families, with grave consequences particularly
for children. The moral conscience becomes darkened;
what is true, good and beautiful is deformed;
and freedom is replaced by what is actually
enslavement. In view of all this, how relevant
and thought-provoking are the words of the Apostle
Paul about the freedom for which Christ has
set us free, and the slavery which is caused
by sin (cf. Gal 5:1)!
It is apparent then how timely and even necessary
a Year of the Family is for the Church; how
indispensable is the witness of all families
who live their vocation day by day; how urgent
it is for families to pray and for that prayer
to increase and to spread throughout the world,
expressing thanksgiving for love in truth, for
"the outpouring of the grace of the Holy
Spirit,[10] for the presence among parents and
children of Christ the Redeemer and Bridegroom,
who "loved us to the end" (cf. Jn
13:1). Let us be deeply convinced that this
love is the greatest of all (cf. 1 Cor 13:13),
and let us believe that it is really capable
of triumphing over everything that is not love.
During this year may the prayer of the Church,
the prayer of families as "domestic churches",
constantly rise up! May it make itself heard
first by God and then also by people everywhere,
so that they will not succumb to doubt, and
all who are wavering because of human weakness
will not yield to the tempting glamour of merely
apparent goods, like those held out in every
temptation.
At Cana in Galilee, where Jesus was invited
to a marriage banquet, his Mother, also present,
said to the servants: "Do whatever he tells
you" (Jn 2:5). Now that we have begun our
celebration of the Year of the Family, Mary
says the same words to us. What Christ tells
us, in this particular moment of history, constitutes
a forceful call to a great prayer with families
and for families. The Virgin Mother invites
us to unite ourselves through this prayer to
the sentiments of her Son, who loves each and
every family. He expressed this love at the
very beginning of his mission as Redeemer, with
his sanctifying presence at Cana in Galilee,
a presence which still continues.
Let us pray for families throughout the world.
Let us pray, through Christ, with him and in
him, to the Father "from whom every family
in heaven and on earth is named" (Eph 3:15).
I. THE CIVILIZATION OF LOVE
"MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM"
6. The universe, immense and diverse
as it is, the world of all living beings, is
inscribed in God's fatherhood, which is its
source (cf. Eph 3:14-16). This can be said,
of course, on the basis of an analogy, thanks
to which we can discern, at the very beginning
of the Book of Genesis, the reality of fatherhood
and motherhood and consequently of the human
family. The interpretative key enabling this
discernment is provided by the principle of
the "image" and "likeness"
of God highlighted by the scriptural text (Gen
1:26). God creates by the power of his word:
"Let there be...!" (e.g., Gen 1:3).
Significantly, in the creation of man this word
of God is followed by these other words: "Let
us make man in our image, after our likeness"
(Gen 1:26). Before creating man, the Creator
withdraws as it were into himself, in order
to seek the pattern and inspiration in the mystery
of his Being, which is already here disclosed
as the divine "We". From this mystery
the human being comes forth by an act of creation:
"God created man in his own image, in the
image of God he created him; male and female
he created them" (Gen 1:27).
God speaks to these newly-created beings and
he blesses them: "Be fruitful and multiply,
and fill the earth and subdue it" (Gen
1:28). The Book of Genesis employs the same
expressions used earlier for the creation of
other living beings: "multiply". But
it is clear that these expressions are being
used in an analogous sense. Is there not present
here the analogy of begetting and of fatherhood
and motherhood, which should be understood in
the light of the overall context? No living
being on earth except man was created "in
the image and likeness of God". Human fatherhood
and motherhood, while remaining biologically
similar to that of other living beings in nature,
contain in an essential and unique way a "likeness"
to God which is the basis of the family as a
community of human life, as a community of persons
united in love (communio personarum).
In the light of the New Testament it is possible
to discern how the primordial model of the family
is to be sought in God himself, in the Trinitarian
mystery of his life. The divine "We"
is the eternal pattern of the human "we",
especially of that "we" formed by
the man and the woman created in the divine
image and likeness. The words of the Book of
Genesis contain that truth about man which is
confirmed by the very experience of humanity.
Man is created "from the very beginning"
as male and female: the life of all humanity--whether
of small communities or of society as a whole--marked
by this primordial duality. From it there derive
the "masculinity" and the "femininity"
of individuals, just as from it every community
draws its own unique richness in the mutual
fulfillment of persons. This is what seems to
be meant by the words of the Book of Genesis:
"Male and female he created them"
(Gen 1:27). Here too we find the first statement
of the equal dignity of man and woman: both
in equal measure, are persons. Their constitution,
with the specific dignity which derives from
it, defines "from the beginning" the
qualities of the common good of humanity, in
every dimension and circumstance of life. To
this common good both man and woman make their
specific contribution. Hence one can discover,
at the very origins of human society, the qualities
of communion and of complementarity.
THE MARITAL COVENANT
7. The family has always been considered
as the first and basic expression of man's social
nature. Even today this way of looking at things
remains unchanged. Nowadays, however, emphasis
tends to be laid on how much the family, as
the smallest and most basic human community,
owes to the personal contribution of a man and
a woman. The family is in fact a community of
persons whose proper way of existing and living
together is communion: communio personarum.
Here too, while always acknowledging the absolute
transcendence of the Creator with regard to
his creatures, we can see the family's ultimate
relationship to the divine "We". Only
persons are capable of living "in communion".
The family originates in a marital communion
described by the Second Vatican Council as a
"covenant", in which man and woman
"give themselves to each other and accept
each other".[11]
The Book of Genesis helps us to see this truth
when it states, in reference to the establishment
of the family through marriage, that "a
man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves
to his wife, and they become one flesh"
(Gen 2:24). In the Gospel, Christ, disputing
with the Pharisees, quotes these same words
and then adds: "So they are no longer two
but one flesh. What therefore God has joined
together, let not man put asunder" (Mt
19:6). In this way, he reveals anew the binding
content of a fact which exists "from the
beginning" (Mt 19:8) and which always preserves
this content. If the Master confirms it "now",
he does so in order to make clear and unmistakable
to all, at the dawn of the New Covenant, the
indissoluble character of marriage as the basis
of the common good of the family.
When, in union with the Apostle, we bow our
knees before the Father from whom all fatherhood
and motherhood is named (cf. Eph 3:14-15), we
come to realize that parenthood is the event
whereby the family, already constituted by the
conjugal covenant of marriage, is brought about
"in the full and specific sense".[12]
Motherhood necessarily implies fatherhood, and
in turn, fatherhood necessarily implies motherhood.
This is the result of the duality bestowed by
the Creator upon human beings "from the
beginning".
I have spoken of two closely related yet not
identical concepts: the concept of "communion"
and that of "community". "Communion"
has to do with the personal relationship between
the "I" and the "thou".
"Community" on the other hand transcends
this framework and moves towards a "society",
a "we". The family, as a community
of persons, is thus the first human "society".
It arises whenever there comes into being the
conjugal covenant of marriage, which opens the
spouses to a lasting communion of love and of
life, and it is brought to completion in a full
and specific way with the procreation of children:
the "communion" of the spouses gives
rise to the "community" of the family.
The "community" of the family is completely
pervaded by the very essence of "communion".
On the human level, can there be any other "communion"
comparable to that between a mother and a child
whom she has carried in her womb and then brought
to birth?
In the family thus constituted there appears
a new unity, in which the relationship "of
communion" between the parents attains
complete fulfillment. Experience teaches that
this fulfillment represents both a task and
a challenge. The task involves the spouses in
living out their original covenant. The children
born to them--and here is the challenge should
consolidate that covenant, enriching and deepening
the conjugal communion of the father and mother.
When this does not occur, we need to ask if
the selfishness which lurks even in the love
of man and woman as a result of the human inclination
to evil is not stronger than this love. Married
couples need to be well aware of this. From
the outset they need to have their hearts and
thoughts turned towards the God "from whom
every family is named", so that their fatherhood
and motherhood will draw from that source the
power to be continually renewed in love.
Fatherhood and motherhood are themselves a
particular proof of love; they make it possible
to discover love's extension and original depth.
But this does not take place automatically.
Rather, it is a task entrusted to both husband
and wife. In the life of husband and wife together,
fatherhood and motherhood represent such a sublime
"novelty" and richness as can only
be approached "on one's knees".
Experience teaches that human love, which naturally
tends towards fatherhood and motherhood, is
sometimes affected by a profound crisis and
is thus seriously threatened. In such cases,
help can be sought at marriage and family counselling
centres, where it is possible, among other things,
to obtain the assistance of specifically trained
psychologists and psychotherapists. At the same
time, however, we cannot forget the perennial
validity of the words of the Apostle: "I
bow my knees before the Father, from whom every
family in heaven and on earth is named".
Marriage, the Sacrament of Matrimony, is a covenant
of persons in love. And love can be deepened
and preserved only by Love, that Love which
is "poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit which has been given to us"
(Rom 5:5). During the Year of the Family should
our prayer not concentrate on the crucial and
decisive moment of the passage from conjugal
love to childbearing, and thus to fatherhood
and motherhood? Is that not precisely the moment
when there is an indispensable need for the
"outpouring of the grace of the Holy Spirit"
invoked in the liturgical celebration of the
Sacrament of Matrimony?
The Apostle, bowing his knees before the Father,
asks that the faithful "be strengthened
with might through his Spirit in the inner man"
(Eph 3:16). This "inner strength"
is necessary in all family life, especially
at its critical moments, when the love which
was expressed in the liturgical rite of marital
consent with the words, "I promise to be
faithful to you always... all the days of my
life", is put to a difficult test.
THE UNITY OF THE TWO
8. Only "persons" are capable
of saying those words; only they are able to
live "in communion" on the basis of
a mutual choice which is, or ought to be, fully
conscious and free. The Book of Genesis, in
speaking of a man who leaves father and mother
in order to cleave to his wife (cf. Gen 2:24),
highlights the conscious and free choice which
gives rise to marriage, making the son of a
family a husband, and the daughter of a family
a wife. How can we adequately understand this
mutual choice, unless we take into consideration
the full truth about the person, who is a rational
and free being? The Second Vatican Council,
in speaking of the likeness of God, uses extremely
significant terms. It refers not only to the
divine image and likeness which every human
being as such already possesses, but also and
primarily to "a certain similarity between
the union of the divine persons and the union
of God's children in truth and love".[13]
This rich and meaningful formulation first
of all confirms what is central to the identity
of every man and every woman. This identity
consists in the capacity to live in truth and
love; even more, it consists in the need of
truth and love as an essential dimension of
the life of the person. Man's need for truth
and love opens him both to God and to creatures:
it opens him to other people, to life "in
communion", and in particular to marriage
and to the family. In the words of the Council,
the "communion" of persons is drawn
in a certain sense from the mystery of the Trinitarian
"We", and therefore "conjugal
communion" also refers to this mystery.
The family, which originates in the love of
man and woman, ultimately derives from the mystery
of God. This conforms to the innermost being
of man and woman, to their innate and authentic
dignity as persons.
In marriage man and woman are so firmly united
as to become to use the words of the Book of
Genesis--"one flesh" (Gen 2:24). Male
and female in their physical constitution, the
two human subjects, even though physically different,
share equally in the capacity to live "in
truth and love". This capacity, characteristic
of the human being as a person, has at the same
time both a spiritual and a bodily dimension.
It is also through the body that man and woman
are predisposed to form a "communion of
persons" in marriage. When they are united
by the conjugal covenant in such a way as to
become "one flesh" (Gen 2:24), their
union ought to take place "in truth and
love", and thus express the maturity proper
to persons created in the image and likeness
of God.
The family which results from this union draws
its inner solidity from the covenant between
the spouses, which Christ raised to a Sacrament.
The family draws its proper character as a community,
its traits of "communion", from that
fundamental communion of the spouses which is
prolonged in their children. "Will you
accept children lovingly from God, and bring
them up according to the law of Christ and his
Church?", the celebrant asks during the
Rite of Marriage.[14] The answer given by the
spouses reflects the most profound truth of
the love which unites them. Their unity, however,
rather than closing them up in themselves, opens
them towards a new life, towards a new person.
As parents, they will be capable of giving life
to a being like themselves, not only bone of
their bones and flesh of their flesh (cf. Gen
2:23), but an image and likeness of God--a person.
When the Church asks "Are you willing?",
she is reminding the bride and groom that they
stand before the creative power of God. They
are called to become parents, to cooperate with
the Creator in giving life. Cooperating with
God to call new human beings into existence
means contributing to the transmission of that
divine image and likeness of which everyone
"born of a woman" is a bearer.
THE GENEALOGY OF THE PERSON
9. Through the communion of persons
which occurs in marriage, a man and a woman
begin a family. Bound up with the family is
the genealogy of every individual: the genealogy
of the person. Human fatherhood and motherhood
are rooted in biology, yet at the same time
transcend it. The Apostle, with knees bowed
"before the Father from whom all fatherhood
[and motherhood] in heaven and on earth is named",
in a certain sense asks us to look at the whole
world of living creatures, from the spiritual
beings in heaven to the corporeal beings on
earth. Every act of begetting finds its primordial
model in the fatherhood of God. Nonetheless,
in the case of man, this "cosmic"
dimension of likeness to God is not sufficient
to explain adequately the relationship of fatherhood
and motherhood. When a new person is born of
the conjugal union of the two, he brings with
him into the world a particular image and likeness
of God himself: the genealogy of the person
is inscribed in the very biology of generation.
In affirming that the spouses, as parents,
cooperate with God the Creator in conceiving
and giving birth to a new human being,[15] we
are not speaking merely with reference to the
laws of biology. Instead, we wish to emphasize
that God himself is present in human fatherhood
and motherhood quite differently than he is
present in all other instances of begetting
"on earth". Indeed, God alone is the
source of that "image and likeness"
which is proper to the human being, as it was
received at Creation. Begetting is the continuation
of Creation.[16]
And so, both in the conception and in the birth
of a new child, parents find themselves face
to face with a "great mystery" (cf.
Eph 5:32). Like his parents, the new human being
is also called to live as a person; he is called
to a life "in truth and love". This
call is not only open to what exists in time,
but in God it is also open to eternity. This
is the dimension of the genealogy of the person
which has been revealed definitively by Christ,
who casts the light of his Gospel on human life
and death and thus on the meaning of the human
family.
As the Council affirms, man is "the only
creature on earth whom God willed for its own
sake"[17] Man's coming into being does
not conform to the laws of biology alone, but
also, and directly, to God's creative will,
which is concerned with the genealogy of the
sons and daughters of human families. God "willed"
man from the very beginning, and God "wills"
him in every act of conception and every human
birth. God "wills" man as a being
similar to himself, as a person. This man, every
man, is created by God "for his own sake".
That is true of all persons, including those
born with sicknesses or disabilities. Inscribed
in the personal constitution of every human
being is the will of God, who wills that man
should be, in a certain sense, an end unto himself.
God hands man over to himself, entrusting him
both to his family and to society as their responsibility.
Parents, in contemplating a new human being,
are, or ought to be, fully aware of the fact
that God "wills" this individual "for
his own sake".
This concise expression is profoundly rich
in meaning. From the very moment of conception,
and then of birth, the new being is meant to
express fully his humanity, to "find himself"
as a person.[18] This is true for absolutely
everyone, including the chronically ill and
the disabled. "To be human" is his
fundamental vocation: "to be human"
in accordance with the gift received, in accordance
with that "talent" which is humanity
itself, and only then in accordance with other
talents. In this sense God wills every man "for
his own sake". In God's plan, however,
the vocation of the human person extends beyond
the boundaries of time. It encounters the will
of the Father revealed in the Incarnate Word:
"God's will is to lavish upon man a sharing
in his own divine life. As Christ says: "I
came that they may have life and have it abundantly"
(Jn 10:10).
Does affirming man's ultimate destiny not conflict
with the statement that God wills man "for
his own sake"? If he has been created for
divine life, can man truly exist "for his
own sake"? This is a critical question,
one of great significance both for the beginning
of his earthly life and its end: it is important
for the whole span of his life. It might appear
that in destining man for divine life God definitively
takes away man's existing "for his own
sake".[19] What then is the relationship
between the life of the person and his sharing
in the life of the Trinity? Saint Augustine
provides us with the answer in his celebrated
phrase: "Our heart is restless until it
rests in you".[20] This "restless
heart" serves to point out that between
the one finality and the other there is in fact
no contradiction, but rather a relationship,
a complementarity, a unity. By his very genealogy,
the person created in the image and likeness
of God, exists "for his own sake"
and reaches fulfillment precisely by sharing
in God's life. The content of this self-fulfillment
is the fullness of life in God, proclaimed by
Christ (cf. Jn 6:37-40), who redeemed us precisely
so that we might come to share it (cf. Mk 10:45).
It is for themselves that married couples want
children; in children they see the crowning
of their own love for each other. They want
children for the family, as a priceless gift.[21]
This is quite understandable. Nonetheless, in
conjugal love and in paternal and maternal love
we should find inscribed the same truth about
man which the Council expressed in a clear and
concise way in its statement that God "willed
man for his own sake". It is thus necessary
that the will of the parents should be in harmony
with the will of God. They must want the new
human creature in the same way as the Creator
wants him: "for himself". Our human
will is always and inevitably subject to the
law of time and change. The divine will, on
the other hand, is eternal. As we read in the
Book of the Prophet Jeremiah: "Before I
formed you in the womb I knew you, and before
you were born I consecrated you" (Jer 1:5).
The genealogy of the person is thus united with
the eternity of God, and only then with human
fatherhood and motherhood, which are realized
in time. At the moment of conception itself,
man is already destined to eternity in God.
THE COMMON GOOD OF MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY
10. Marital consent defines and consolidates
the good common to marriage and to the family.
"I, N., take you, N., to be my wife/husband.
I promise to be true to you in good times and
in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love
you and honour you all the days of my life".[22]
Marriage is a unique communion of persons, and
it is on the basis of this communion that the
family is called to become a community of persons.
This is a commitment which the bride and groom
undertake "before God and his Church",
as the celebrant reminds them before they exchange
their consent.[23] Those who take part in the
rite are witnesses of this commitment, for in
a certain sense they represent the Church and
society, the settings in which the new family
will live and grow.
The words of consent define the common good
of the couple and of the family. First, the
common good of the spouses: love, fidelity,
honour, the permanence of their union until
death--"all the days of my life".
The good of both, which is at the same time
the good of each, must then become the good
of the children. The common good, by its very
nature, both unites individual persons and ensures
the true good of each. If the Church (and the
State for that matter) receives the consent
which the spouses express in the words cited
above, she does so because that consent is "written
in their hearts" (Rom 2:15). It is the
spouses who give their consent to each other
by a solemn promise, that is by confirming the
truth of that consent in the sight of God. As
baptized Christians, they are the ministers
of the Sacrament of Matrimony in the Church.
Saint Paul teaches that this mutual commitment
of theirs is a "great mystery" (Eph
5:32).
The words of consent, then, express what is
essential to the common good of the spouses,
and they indicate what ought to be the common
good of the future family. In order to bring
this out, the Church asks the spouses if they
are prepared to accept the children God grants
them and to raise the children as Christians.
This question calls to mind the common good
of the future family unit, evoking the genealogy
of persons which is part of the constitution
of marriage and of the family itself. The question
about children and their education is profoundly
linked to marital consent, with its solemn promise
of love, conjugal respect, and fidelity until
death. The acceptance and education of children--two
of the primary ends of the family--are conditioned
by how that commitment will be fulfilled. Fatherhood
and motherhood represent a responsibility which
is not simply physical but spiritual in nature,
indeed, through these realities there passes
the genealogy of the person, which has its eternal
beginning in God and which must lead back to
him.
The Year of the Family, as a year of special
prayer on the part of families, ought to renew
and deepen each family's awareness of these
truths. What a wealth of biblical reflections
could nourish that prayer! Together with the
words of Sacred Scripture, these prayerful reflections
should always include the personal memories
of the spouses-parents, the children and grandchildren.
Through the genealogy of persons, conjugal communion
becomes a communion of generations. The sacramental
union of the two spouses, sealed in the covenant
which they enter into before God, endures and
grows stronger as the generations pass. It must
become a union in prayer. But for all this to
become clearly apparent during the Year of the
Family, prayer needs to become a regular habit
in the daily life of each family. Prayer is
thanksgiving, praise of God, asking for forgiveness,
supplication and invocation. In all of these
forms the prayer of the family has much to say
to God. It also has much to say to others, beginning
with the mutual communion of persons joined
together by family ties.
The Psalmist asks: "What is man that you
keep him in mind?" (Ps 8:4). Prayer is
the place where, in a very simple way, the creative
and fatherly remembrance of God is made manifest:
not only man's remembrance of God, but also
and especially God's remembrance of man. In
this way, the prayer of the family as a community
can become a place of common and mutual remembrance:
the family is in fact a community of generations.
In prayer everyone should be present: the living
and those who have died, and also those yet
to come into the world. Families should pray
for all of their members, in view of the good
which the family is for each individual and
which each individual is for the whole family.
Prayer strengthens this good, precisely as the
common good of the family. Moreover, it creates
this good ever anew. In prayer, the family discovers
itself as the first "us", in which
each member is "I" and "thou";
each member is for the others either husband
or wife, father or mother, son or daughter,
brother or sister, grandparent or grandchild.
Are all the families to which this Letter is
addressed like this? Certainly a good number
are, but the times in which we are living tend
to restrict family units to two generations.
Often this is the case because available housing
is too limited, especially in large cities.
But it is not infrequently due to the belief
that having several generations living together
interferes with privacy and makes life too difficult.
But is this not where the problem really lies?
Families today have too little "human"
life. There is a shortage of people with whom
to create and share the common good; and yet
that good, by its nature, demands to be created
and shared with others: bonum est diffusivum
sui: "good is diffusive of itself".[24]
The more common the good, the more properly
one's own it will also be: mine - yours - ours.
This is the logic behind living according to
the good, living in truth and charity. If man
is able to accept and follow this logic, his
life truly becomes a "sincere gift".
THE SINCERE GIFT OF SELF
11. After affirming that man is the
only creature on earth which God willed for
itself, the Council immediately goes on to say
that he cannot "fully find himself except
through a sincere gift of self".[25] This
might appear to be a contradiction, but in fact
it is not. Instead it is the magnificent paradox
of human existence: an existence called to serve
the truth in love. Love causes man to find fulfillment
through the sincere gift of self. To love means
to give and to receive something which can be
neither bought nor sold, but only given freely
and mutually.
By its very nature the gift of the person must
be lasting and irrevocable. The indissolubility
of marriage flows in the first place from the
very essence of that gift: the gift of one person
to another person. This reciprocal giving of
self reveals the spousal nature of love. In
their marital consent the bride and groom call
each other by name: "I... take you... as
my wife (as my husband) and I promise to be
true to you... for all the days of my life".
A gift such as this involves an obligation much
more serious and profound than anything which
might be "purchased" in any way and
at any price. Kneeling before the Father, from
whom all fatherhood and motherhood come, the
future parents come to realize that they have
been "redeemed". They have been purchased
at great cost, by the price of the most sincere
gift of all, the blood of Christ of which they
partake through the Sacrament. The liturgical
crowning of the marriage rite is the Eucharist,
the sacrifice of that "Body which has been
given up" and that "Blood which has
been shed", which in a certain way finds
expression in the consent of the spouses.
When a man and woman in marriage mutually give
and receive each other in the unity of "one
flesh", the logic of the sincere gift of
self becomes a part of their life. Without this,
marriage would be empty; whereas a communion
of persons, built on this logic, becomes a communion
of parents. When they transmit life to the child,
a new human "thou" becomes a part
of the horizon of the "we" of the
spouses, a person whom they will call by a new
name: "our son...; our daughter...".
"I have gotten a man with the help of the
Lord" (Gen 4:1), says Eve, the first woman
of history: a human being, first expected for
nine months and then "revealed" to
parents, brothers and sisters. The process from
conception and growth in the mother's womb to
birth makes it possible to create a space within
which the new creature can be revealed as a
"gift": indeed this is what it is
from the very beginning. Could this frail and
helpless being, totally dependent upon its parents
and completely entrusted to them, be seen in
any other way? The newborn child gives itself
to its parents by the very fact of its coming
into existence. Its existence is already a gift,
the first gift of the Creator to the creature.
In the newborn child is realized the common
good of the family. Just as the common good
of spouses is fulfilled in conjugal love, ever
ready to give and receive new life, so too the
common good of the family is fulfilled through
that same spousal love, as embodied in the newborn
child. Part of the genealogy of the person is
the genealogy of the family, preserved for posterity
by the annotations in the Church's baptismal
registers, even though these are merely the
social consequence of the fact that "a
man has been born into the world" (cf.
Jn 16:21).
But is it really true that the new human being
is a gift for his parents? A gift for society?
Apparently nothing seems to indicate this. On
occasion the birth of a child appears to be
a simple statistical fact, registered like so
many other data in demographic records. It is
true that for the parents the birth of a child
means more work, new financial burdens and further
inconveniences, all of which can lead to the
temptation not to want another birth.[26] In
some social and cultural contexts this temptation
can become very strong. Does this mean that
a child is not a gift? That it comes into the
world only to take and not to give? These are
some of the disturbing questions which men and
women today find hard to escape. A child comes
to take up room, when it seems that there is
less and less room in the world. But is it really
true that a child brings nothing to the family
and society? Is not every child a "particle"
of that common good without which human communities
break down and risk extinction? Could this ever
really be denied? The child becomes a gift to
its brothers, sisters, parents and entire family.
Its life becomes a gift for the very people
who were givers of life and who cannot help
but feel its presence, its sharing in their
life and its contribution to their common good
and to that of the community of the family.
This truth is obvious in its simplicity and
profundity, whatever the complexity and even
the possible pathology of the psychological
make-up of certain persons. The common good
of the whole of society dwells in man; he is,
as we recalled, "the way of the Church".[27]
Man is first of all the "glory of God":
"Gloria Dei vivens homo", in the celebrated
words of Saint Irenaeus,[28] which might also
be translated: "the glory of God is for
man to be alive". It could be said that
here we encounter the loftiest definition of
man: the glory of God is the common good of
all that exists; the common good of the human
race.
Yes! Man is a common good: a common good of
the family and of humanity, of individual groups
and of different communities. But there are
significant distinctions of degree and modality
in this regard. Man is a common good, for example,
of the Nation to which he belongs and of the
State of which he is a citizen; but in a much
more concrete, unique and unrepeatable way he
is a common good of his family. He is such not
only as an individual who is part of the multitude
of humanity, but rather as "this individual".
God the Creator calls him into existence "for
himself"; and in coming into the world
he begins, in the family, his "great adventure",
the adventure of human life. "This man"
has, in every instance, the right to fulfil
himself on the basis of his human dignity. It
is precisely this dignity which establishes
a person's place among others, and above all,
in the family. The family is indeed--more than
any other human reality--the place where an
individual can exist "for himself"
through the sincere gift of self. This is why
it remains a social institution which neither
can nor should be replaced: it is the "sanctuary
of life".[29]
The fact that a child is being born, that "a
child is born into the world" (Jn 16:21)
is a paschal sign. As we read in the Gospel
of John, Jesus himself speaks of this to the
disciples before his passion and death, comparing
their sadness at his departure with the pains
of a woman in labour: "When a woman is
in travail she has sorrow (that is, she suffers),
because her hour has come; but when she is delivered
of the child, she no longer remembers the anguish,
for joy that a child is born into the world"
(Jn 16:21). The "hour" of Christ's
death (cf. Jn 13:1) is compared here to the
"hour" of the woman in birthpangs;
the birth of a new child fully reflects the
victory of life over death brought about by
the Lord's Resurrection. This comparison can
provide us with material for reflection. Just
as the Resurrection of Christ is the manifestation
of Life beyond the threshold of death, so too
the birth of an infant is a manifestation of
life, which is always destined, through Christ,
for that "fullness of life" which
is in God himself: "I came that they may
have life, and have it abundantly" (Jn
10:10). Here we see revealed the deepest meaning
of Saint Irenaeus's expression: "Gloria
Dei vivens homo".
It is the Gospel truth concerning the gift
of self, without which the person cannot "fully
find himself", which makes possible an
appreciation of how profoundly this "sincere
gift" is rooted in the gift of God, Creator
and Redeemer, and in the "grace of the
Holy Spirit" which the celebrant during
the Rite of Marriage prays will be "poured
out" on the spouses. Without such an "outpouring",
it would be very difficult to understand all
this and to carry it out as man's vocation.
Yet how many people understand this intuitively!
Many men and women make this truth their own,
coming to discern that only in this truth do
they encounter "the Truth and the Life"
(Jn 14:6). Without this truth, the life of the
spouses and of the family will not succeed in
attaining a fully human meaning.
This is why the Church never tires of teaching
and of bearing witness to this truth. While
certainly showing maternal understanding for
the many complex crisis situations in which
families are involved, as well as for the moral
frailty of every human being, the Church is
convinced that she must remain absolutely faithful
to the truth about human love Otherwise she
would betray herself. To move away from this
saving truth would be to close "the eyes
of our hearts" (cf. Eph 1:18), which instead
should always stay open to the light which the
Gospel sheds on human affairs (cf. 2 Tim 1:10).
An awareness of that sincere gift of self whereby
man "finds himself" must be constantly
renewed and safeguarded in the face of the serious
opposition which the Church meets on the part
of those who advocate a false civilization of
progress.[30] The family always expresses a
new dimension of good for mankind, and it thus
creates a new responsibility. We are speaking
of the responsibility for that particular common
good in which is included the good of the person,
of every member of the family community. While
certainly a "difficult" good ("bonum
arduum"), it is also an attractive one.
RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD AND MOTHERHOOD
12. It is now time, in this Letter to
Families, to bring up two closely related questions.
The first, more general, concerns the civilization
of love, the other, more specific, deals with
responsible fatherhood and motherhood.
We have already said that marriage engenders
a particular responsibility for the common good,
first of the spouses and then of the family.
This common good is constituted by man, by the
worth of the person and by everything which
represents the measure of his dignity. This
reality is part of man in every social, economic
and political system. In the area of marriage
and the family, this responsibility becomes,
for a variety of reasons, even more "demanding".
The Pastoral Constitution Gaudium et Spes rightly
speaks of "promoting the dignity of marriage
and the family". The Council sees this
"promotion" as a duty incumbent upon
both the Church and the State. Nevertheless,
in every culture this duty remains primarily
that of the persons who, united in marriage,
form a particular family. "Responsible
fatherhood and motherhood" express a concrete
commitment to carry out this duty, which has
taken on new characteristics in the contemporary
world.
In particular, responsible fatherhood and motherhood
directly concern the moment in which a man and
a woman, uniting themselves "in one flesh",
can become parents. This is a moment of special
value both for their interpersonal relationship
and for their service to life: they can become
parents--father and mother-- by communicating
life to a new human being. The two dimensions
of conjugal union, the unitive and the procreative,
cannot be artificially separated without damaging
the deepest truth of the conjugal act itself.[31]
This is the constant teaching of the Church,
and the "signs of the times" which
we see today are providing new reasons for forcefully
reaffirming that teaching. Saint Paul, himself
so attentive to the pastoral demands of his
day, clearly and firmly indicated the need to
be "urgent in season and out of season"
(cf. 2 Tim 4:2), and not to be daunted by the
fact that "sound teaching is no longer
endured" (cf. 2 Tim 4:3). His words are
well known to those who, with deep insight into
the events of the present time, expect that
the Church will not only not abandon "sound
doctrine", but will proclaim it with renewed
vigour, seeking in today's "signs of the
times" the incentive and insights which
can lead to a deeper understanding of her teaching.
Some of these insights can be taken from the
very sciences which have evolved from the earlier
study of anthropology into various specialized
sciences such as biology, psychology, sociology
and their branches. In some sense all these
sciences revolve around medicine, which is both
a science and an art (ars medica), at the service
of man's life and health. But the insights in
question come first of all from human experience,
which, in all its complexity, in some sense
both precedes science and follows it.
Through their own experience spouses come to
learn the meaning of responsible fatherhood
and motherhood. They learn it also from the
experience of other couples in similar situations
and as they become more open to the findings
of the various sciences. One could say that
"experts" learn in a certain sense
from "spouses", so that they in turn
will then be in a better position to teach married
couples the meaning of responsible procreation
and the ways to achieve it.
This subject has been extensively treated in
the documents of the Second Vatican Council,
the Encyclical Humanae Vitae, the "Propositiones"
of the 1980 Synod of Bishops, the Apostolic
Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, and in other
statements, up to the Instruction Donum Vitae
of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the
Faith. The Church both teaches the moral truth
about responsible fatherhood and motherhood
and protects it from the erroneous views and
tendencies which are widespread today. Why does
the Church continue to do this? Is she unaware
of the problems raised by those who counsel
her to make concessions in this area and who
even attempt to persuade her by undue pressures
if not even threats? The Church's Magisterium
is often chided for being behind the times and
closed to the promptings of the spirit of modern
times, and for promoting a course of action
which is harmful to humanity, and indeed to
the Church herself. By obstinately holding to
her own positions, it is said, the Church will
end up losing popularity, and more and more
believers will turn away from her.
But how can it be maintained that the Church,
especially the College of Bishops in communion
with the Pope, is insensitive to such grave
and pressing questions? It was precisely these
extremely important questions which led Pope
Paul VI to publish the Encyclical Humanae Vitae.
The foundations of the Church's doctrine concerning
responsible fatherhood and motherhood are exceptionally
broad and secure. The Council demonstrates this
above all in its teaching on man, when it affirms
that he is "the only creature on earth
which God willed for itself", and that
he cannot "fully find himself except through
a sincere gift of himself".[32] This is
so because he has been created in the image
and likeness of God and redeemed by the only-begotten
Son of the Father, who became man for us and
for our salvation.
The Second Vatican Council, particularly conscious
of the problem of man and his calling, states
that the conjugal union, the biblical "una
caro", can be understood and fully explained
only by recourse to the values of the "person"
and of "gift". Every man and every
woman fully realizes himself or herself through
the sincere gift of self. For spouses, the moment
of conjugal union constitutes a very particular
expression of this. It is then that a man and
woman, in the "truth" of their masculinity
and femininity, become a mutual gift to each
other. All married life is a gift; but this
becomes most evident when the spouses, in giving
themselves to each other in love, bring about
that encounter which makes them "one flesh"
(Gen 2:24).
They then experience a moment of special responsibility,
which is also the result of the procreative
potential linked to the conjugal act. At that
moment, the spouses can become father and mother,
initiating the process of a new human life,
which will then develop in the woman's womb.
If the wife is the first to realize that she
has become a mother, the husband, to whom she
has been united in "one flesh", then
learns this when she tells him that he has become
a father. Both are responsible for their potential
and later actual fatherhood and motherhood.
The husband cannot fail to acknowledge and accept
the result of a decision which has also been
his own. He cannot hide behind expressions such
as: "I don't know", "I didn't
want it", or "you're the one who wanted
it". In every case conjugal union involves
the responsibility of the man and of the woman,
a potential responsibility which becomes actual
when the circumstances dictate. This is true
especially for the man. Although he too is involved
in the beginning of the generative process,
he is l
