In part I of this series we discussed why fathers are singled out in scripture for the special responsibility for the training and discipline of their children.

Okay, I'm willing to assume the responsibility to train and discipline my children. How do I get started?

You start by teaching your children to obey your voice. St. Paul, in Ephesians 6:1, says that children obeying their parents is the key to their enjoying a good long life. A few verses later (6:4) he commands fathers to bring up their children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." A primary way fathers are to bring up their children in the discipline of the Lord (6:4) is to teach them obedience (6:1).

The Primary Tool for Child Training

Most people immediately picture the rod when they think of the tool for discipline. They also regard the rear-end as the part of the human anatomy on which to focus discipline efforts. If the only discipline you engage in is spanking then you are neglecting 75% of what the Bible calls discipline.

Your word is the primary tool for training and discipline and the ear is the part of your child's anatomy that you want to focus efforts towards.

Obey = to hear and respond

The Greek word for obey in Ephesians 6:1 literally means to hear and respond. For children to obey their parents means not just to listen to them, but also to respond with obedience. Let's look at an example of how this works in practice.

Hearing Only versus Hearing and Responding

You have come home from a tiring day's work. For a few special minutes you want just a little peace and tranquility from your hectic day. You get a glass of iced tea and settled into your favorite chair. As you ease the Lazy Boy into the full recline position you open the newspaper to your favorite section. As you are about to plunge into the sports section you notice that your three-year-old son, Billy, is about to hit his little sister Sally over the head with his new baseball bat. Out of the corner of your eye as you observe the first stages of the assault upon Sally you casually mention, "Billy, don't you dare hit Sally."

At this point Billy hesitates for a few seconds to size up the situation. Remember that Billy is twice as smart as he usually lets on. Billy sees Dad settled back in the Lazy Boy with his iced tea and sports section. He says to himself, "Not a chance of discipline." Billy goes on antagonizing Sally. Dad goes back to the sports and does nothing. Meanwhile Sally gets tired of Billy's harassment and pushes him. A few seconds later Billy takes a swing barely missing Sally's head.

What should Dad do now? At the first indication that his voice is being neglected he should calmly fold his paper and bring the Lazy Boy into the upright position while keeping eye contact with Billy. He should go over to Billy and kneel down looking him right in the eye and say with dismay in his voice, "Billy! You didn't listen to my voice."

Besides saving Sally's head from a mild concussion, what is a father accomplishing by doing this? He is demonstrating by sacrificing a few seconds of creature comforts that he takes his own words very seriously. You teach your children to listen and to respond to your voice by valuing your words enough to back them up. If you want your child to value your words, then value your own.

Honoring Your Wife's Words

Imagine the same scenario as above except that it is your wife who notices the brewing troubles between Billy and Sally. She calls out from the kitchen for Billy to cease and desist. This time Billy takes a quick look at Mom holding his crying baby brother in her arms as she is pulling a spilling-over pot from the stove while the oven timer is buzzing. Billy quickly surmises that there isn't a chance Mom will do anything and neglects her voice.

Resisting the temptation to pretend he didn't notice this event, Dad should fly out of his Lazy Boy, go right over to Billy, kneel down and get direct eye contact. He should then exclaim with utter dismay: "Billy, you didn't listen to your mother's voice." Children who see their father responding to their mother's voice will soon learn to do the same. After a few such experiences, Billy is likely to quickly glance Dad's way before considering to disobey his mother's voice. At this point Dad just needs to put his paper down for a few seconds of direct eye contact with Billy. Children are smart. They don't make a habit of disobeying parents who follow through on what they say.

Remember that the golden moments to teach obedience are during those inopportune times when children seem instinctively to try to disobey your instructions. You will make the strongest impressions on your children when you sacrifice a convenience to teach obedience to your word.

Are these sacrifices worth the effort? Fathers sacrificing a little time to teach obedience will see four big dividends in the lives of their children.

Happy Children

First, you will have happy children. When is the last time you saw genuine happiness on the face of a defiant, disrespectful, and disobedient child? Happiness and fulfillment come to those who conform themselves to God's ways. St. Paul says that life will go well for obedient children.

An Antidote to Peer Pressure

Second, children taught to heed your voice will have the only antidote capable of withstanding modern peer pressure. Fathers teaching obedience to their young children have a full decade head start on the teen peer group. Such children before they reach their teens, or even their pre-teens, will have their hearts prepared to respond to their parents. Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and reject not your mother's teaching … My son, if sinners entice you [the call of the peer group], do not consent (Proverbs 1:8 & 10).

Heeding Your Advice in the Selection of a Spouse

Third, the selection of a spouse is the most important decision your child will make, if called to the vocation of marriage. This single decision will also have a huge effect on the temporal and eternal welfare of your grandchildren. When your grown daughter comes home with "Mr. Right" is not the time to begin training her to heed your voice. If you want your daughter to listen to your mate selection advice when she is in her twenties, then make sure she starts learning to heed your voice when she is two.

Hearing the Voice of God

The last and most important dividend arising from teaching your children obedience is eternal life. Contrary to popular belief, no one goes to heaven by just hearing but not heeding the word of God. Jesus expressly declared that we must put his words into practice in order to go to heaven (see Matthew 7:21-27).

Teaching your children to take your words seriously is a first step towards teaching them to take God's word seriously. Foundational for faith and obedience in a relationship with God is an ear that hears, believes, and obeys.

The most important declaration of faith and obedience in the Old Testament is the Shema in Deuteronomy:

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD; and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4-7).

The pious Jews recited the Shema at least twice a day. Jewish children were taught the first verse of the Shema (Deut. 6:4) as soon as they could speak. The word Shema comes from the first word in Deuteronomy 6:4 which is the Hebrew verb "to hear."
There is still a necessity for an open ear and a responsive heart in the New Testament. Jesus testified that his true disciples are "those who hear the word of God and do it" (Like 8:21). The Good Shepherd said, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me" (John 10:27).

Heeding the voice of Jesus is simultaneously heeding the voice of God the Father. Jesus said, "He who does not love me does not keep my words; and the word which you hear is not mine but the Father's who sent me" (John 14:24).

Learning to respect and honor the words of parents is the foundation for a child learning to give reverence and obedience to the Word of God. The ultimate reason why fathers are so important in teaching their children to obey is that they are the vital link in training their children to hear the voice of their Heavenly Father.